what i've been thinking about...

I used to think I wanted to be a social worker. Infact, I did the whole application for an MSW, but I didn't get in. At the time I fount out they didn't want me I felt suprisingly peaceful. Time has past and I'm at a new place in my life and realize that it is probably a good thing that I didn't get in. You see, now I work in the eye industry. In about a year I'll be a certified ophthalmic assistant. At my centre we do a lot of cataract and refractive lasik surgery. Right now I'm working in the cataract department so naturally, I see a lot of old people... everyday, all day. I don't really mind this. They are always sweet, patient, and of course, they think I'm cute. When they tell me about how they can't do water colours anymore or how they couldn't swim in the senior's national games because they can't see anything, I get all teary eyed. I take their frail hands and help them into the chair, put eye drops into their clouded eyes and then we run routine tests on them before they see the doctor. I feel so attached to them for 30 minutes all because of their eyes. I can't even imagine how I would be if I were attached to their lives as a social worker. I think I would just sob all the time. My heart truly goes out for these sweet people that come 45 minutes early to their appointment because they honestly have nothing else to do. The peaceful feeling I felt when I didn't get into the MSW program I wanted all makes sense now. I don't think I could have handled it. I'll take eyes any day.

After normal work I headed out to the Thai restaurant for my Friday night shift (I know, lame, I work on Fridays...). I have to drive to this job, and let me tell you, downtown Calgary has horrible parking. I finally found a place behind a car parked at a metre, but there was no parking metre behind the car. I wasn't too sure if I would get a ticket or not, so I sought the advice of some homeless people hanging out infront of the bottle depot. They know everything about downtown anyways, right? I asked this lady and she ended up devuldging her whole life story. Her mom died 3 days ago and she was too sad to go to the funeral. She was almost in tears by the time we reached the block the restaurnat is on. She was so desperate for an ear to listen. When she asked me for money like I knew she would, I just gave it to her. I don't even care if she spends it on cigarettes or a loaf of bread. She told me she'd watch my car for the evening and that the cops wouldn't ticket it on her watch. What do ya know, when I went home, no ticket. I hope she has a warm sleep tonight.

And the last thought on my mind... I think I'm just extra careful from past experiences...but there is so much to consider before you start a realtionship with a boy if you're a girl (and vice versa I would suppose). Do I stop by his work for the second day in a row because he asked me too? Do I go costco shopping with him and his roomates? ... what's he going to think? Is he just being nice to me because he's a nice person? Do I find him first in the crowd, or does he find me first? Will I ever be able to have a good influence on his wardrobe? He called me last...what's the call back schedule for that? Should I just wait for him? If I can't make it to a party we've been talking about everytime we meet, do I call to tell him? Or just explain the next time I see him? I honestly couldn't make it to the last two dates he asked me on... is he going to stop asking? My feelings on all these issues go up and down on a daily basis...do I trust the "up" ones? When I catch myself thinking about him instead of the cornea I am staring into, should I smile? I want to answer in the affirmative to all these wonders of mine, but it's just hard. Am I thinking too much? This is the longest blog ever. It's Friday night and I couldn't go on that date because I was waitressing. Must go take a shower. Just found rice in my hair.

pp