Not The Mama!

My phone has been on vibrate for 18 days. Not once have I turned the ringer back on. My home has been filled with a special peace for 18 days, even if sometimes I catch myself crying all the live long day because I think my son will never sleep on his own, the peace is still here. And you know what, he will learn how to sleep on his own, but for now I am choosing to relish in the newborn cuddles that await me every hour. They really are so sweet. And gosh, Jude is just SO ADORABLE.

I didn't go into this motherhood thing with a yearning for it. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty. Despite my Mormon upbringing (that tried to tell me the only worth while thing I could ever do with my female self was to be a mother (I clearly have mixed feelings)), rarely have I hoped and prayed to one day be a mother, no, it was more of a calculated decision. It was simply time. Like when the cookies are done baking and the timer rings. Cookies! Babies! Those 8-10 minutes on the baby timer sure did fly by, if you know what I mean. When Betina was here (my posterity will forever rise up and call her blessed for her kind gesture that shall not be forgotten) she told me not to worry because motherhood looks different on everyone. Perhaps the best piece of advice I have gotten yet.

And now for some photographs from my phone...

That is what a lot of our 18 days have looked like so far :). My sweet honey child! And then, because this taking care of infants business really is a lot of work, I decided I wanted an early paycheck. Instead of waiting for him to do it on his own (he is taking his blessed time), I had the opportunity of helping him with his first smile! And what a paycheck it was!

Sometimes I just kill myself. I think motherhood will look a little funny on me, but most things usually do.