Valentines 2014

Hmm. I really wish I would have taken more pictures of my short 48 hours in Calgary. 

When I was flying on that glorious no toddler flight of magazines, sleeping, and wonder home, I finally agreed with myself that even though I have never been crashed and banged up in a car accident or pushed and pulled to and fro in the raging waves, I am a survivor too. And honestly, who isn't?

I'm in accord that my parents did the best they could with what they were given and with what they were able to bring to our huge kitchen table, but growing up in my family wasn't that easy. There were so many kids, so many stresses, so many assumptions, and not enough wisdom or patience to get us to the flip side safely. I mean, it wasn't always the worst of times but it also wasn't the best of times. And of course I have good memories and we did get to do lots of fun things but everything was experienced with this thick dark shadow following closely behind and sometimes in front. 

The security that comes from an attended love was always just out of reach and as such all nine of us were left grasping at whatever could hold a grip. With decreased frequency I sometimes still find myself grasping and grasping for something to grip and my desperate hands have still only themselves. Gratefully, that is only sometimes. 

The resilience of the human spirit stops me still these days and I sit in its awe. I was the lucky one who got to see all but one of her family members last weekend and we are the lucky ones who somehow made it to the flip side still wanting to be kind, generous, loving, good people. It's a tender mercy of this life. It didn't have to be this way. But here we are, grateful survivors with lots of love to give and with open hearts to receive. I wish I would have taken more pictures from my 48 hours so you could see the love and light in the faces of the ones I love most. 

On this love day I give all the survivors out there, and that's everyone, my love! 

xoxo to you and yours