I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. It's been terribly heartbreaking. I really thought and I really believed that Scott Disick was playing the part of bad boyfriend for the show. I mean, why would someone stay with someone like him? He is in fact quite funny and entertaining but I guess he really is somewhat of a rotten little turd. Which breaks my heart because now everything I thought about Reality TV is probably not true. So it's not scripted, so there are not roles that need to be played, so these are indeed their actual lives and their actual realities. Hold the phone please, I need some time to sit down and process this, collect my thoughts, and figure out how I am going to continue living. Just when you think life has thrown you enough curve balls, right??! How could all that be real, honestly. Entertaining, yes, but real... I was okay with it not being real. But now this one thing makes all of it feel so real and is now hard to process. They actually live like that. Mind blown. My escape looks so different to me now.
So those are the deep dark thoughts in my sleep deprived mind these days. We had a friend over for dinner and he was very knowledgable about the current state of American Politics. I am not. I just think Donald Trump could be a pretty fun President, but beyond that I'm just not that interested. The next day Jude was asking me what I knew. After already feeling a little silly for really knowing zilch about politics I was like... what the eff do I know? And then I wanted to get smart again. I want to sit down with a thought provoking book and think about things like I used to. I want to have some original ideas and do things with them. But then I fell asleep because I was so tired. I think this season of my life is about my family, and me (of course), but it's all just a little different than it used to be. I wonder what it would be like to work full time and have babies- would work be the stimulation that I am craving or would I just be tired doing something else as opposed to just being tired in my day to day life. Who knows. Maybe I'll get smart again and find out.
What else. I love my sweet little babies. I put Greta in the park swing yesterday and it pleased me. I didn't swing her because I thought she would slip right through those leg holes and I don't want a pancake baby. Jude sure loves 'his' baby. When she finally wakes up he gets so excited and says in his baby voice "Ohhhhhhhhh awwwwweeee my sweet little baby is awake! Just look at those cute toes! Ohhhhhhh I love her so much!" It is basically what dreams are made of. I can always tell if he's been kissing her as forehead will have some kind of residue- crumbs, chocolate smear, a little peanut butter.. just depends on the day.
Well, some things that I do know for sure include: the smell of clean children coming out of the bath, how to make a certain 4 month old laugh and giggle, how to coax Jude into a late afternoon nap, how to expertly cuddle, what it feels like to have their sweet little hands curled up in mine. Those really are great things to know... one day I'll remember them but it won't be the same as knowing them as I do now.
2 woot-woots!:
I think the guy behind the Dyson vaccuum should be the next POTUS. He's got shit figured out.
Oh man Patience. You put into words exactly what I am thinking sometimes but can't put into words adequately. I feel dumb a lot of days. I want to learn and be smart again. I need to read more I think. Ok- that is my new years resolution (assuming my baby is starting to sleep by then, no promises). Anyhow, I just love reading your blog. You have a talent my friend! And those babies...to die for! This picture should be framed! Too cute.
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