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grainy photo courtesy of my butt

We made it! One wonderful visit and ear infection later and we are at home with our favorite person. Vacations are the best. It took a couple of days for me to get the hang of doing absolutely everything for Jude cause boring Dan had to stay home to work, but once I was in my groove I could have stayed for months! Although I often feel Facetime is practically real life, Dan still wanted us to come home. Kidding. I'm not as cold as I pretend, I missed him too. So did Jude. The first day home Jude was sooooo happy and giddy and full of laughs. We are taking that as an "I missed Daddy" sign, because, you know, he can't talk.... or was it an "I'm so glad you finally got me on antibiotics for this ear infection, mother" sign? Tough call. Anyways, here we are, home. And you know it - that humidity hit me like a wall. Nothing says welcome home like wetness! I'm actually not minding it so much though - my nose and my feet needed it. The delicate features do well in the moisture.

I was debriefing with my older sister today and we ended up talking about church stuff. The usual - grievances, positive change, Mormon Stories... plus some bonus material. We started talking about my experience over the past year since Jude has been born. I don't know about you, but there was almost nothing we could do to help Jude be a better sleeper besides waiting for time to pass. Cry It Out, Pat the Back, The Books That Make You Feel Like An Idiot Because It Doesn't Work.... you name it. This kid would not give up. So there we remained as sleep deprived zombies for quite some time - and me more than Dan, because boobs. We became vigilant nap observers. None of this skipping his naps because of anything, even church. And looking back at it all, I really believe the nap observance was probably the one thing that did help Jude sleep better. So I've missed a lot of church due to this little dude and his need for the snooze. And it kind of helped me to unwind a little (more). To relax and tune out all that cultural static so I could actually listen to the voice inside myself. So there it is. Thank you Jude. Thank you for helping me unwind that screw. A screw should never be wound too tight - all it's gonna do there is snap.

I want to be sure of things, of myself. I want to enjoy my moments.